saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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