I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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