are you still at the devil's house?
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
