Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize