Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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