i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I haven't been this sober since birth.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
