she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
