i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
