You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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