Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
