I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
