not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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