You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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