OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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