i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize