idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
