i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Randomize
