he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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