hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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