If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
