I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
