don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My life is pants optional.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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