Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
