You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
