I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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