a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
