I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
