I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
