i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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