she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize