haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize