I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
