The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
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