Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
