But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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