please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
