As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
