Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
