Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
