i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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