I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
