We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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