I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
