Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
