i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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