I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
