why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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