HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
