Princesses don't give blow jobs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
