Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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