: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
