You're so nebulous sometimes
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
