ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I'm sobbing to NWA
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
