smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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