I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
how does that bad decision feel?
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize