WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
