she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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