So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
