Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
