you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
