I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
