If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
