Moan for me like Helen Keller
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize