5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
