dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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