If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
