She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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