If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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