He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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