so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize