I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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