I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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